I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. No, no, the Future- capital F, future. It’s been on the minds of a lot of my friends because we’re high school seniors. Every passing day reminds us that the Future is one day closer. Every time the bell rings for the end of the school day it’s one less day we will be able to see each other. I’m not trying to imply I don’t want to leave home and head off to college, I’m just saying I’m reluctant to leave what I have now. Now, I can come home and eat the dinner my mom makes me, I can see my boyfriend every weekend, I can go up to my room and have all of my stuff.
And, it’s not just about not having the things I have now. It’s about not knowing the things I’ll have in the Future. Not just material things either. Uncertainty is freaking scary (and a little exciting, actually). I don’t think I’ll have a lousy Future either, I just kinda want to know.
No, that’s a lie. I don’t want to know what I’ll be doing in 10 years, what I want to know is how hard it will be to get there. Yes, that’s it. I think that people who are afraid of the Future are afraid of the difficulties they will have to endure to get there.
For example: Let’s say I have a crystal ball and the crystal ball tells me that I’m going to get married in 5 years (that’s just after college for me). I could be grateful that the crystal ball has enlightened me of this (because, unlike some of my friends, I do want to get married one day). But, instead I would be afraid of how I’m going to get there. Am I going to marry my high school boyfriend? Or will I have to endure a horrible and tearful breakup in the next 5 years, only to fall in love with some other man? Agh! Stupid crystal ball, burdening me with the Future.
I’m also afraid I won’t find a passion in college like people keep promising me I will.